I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
