There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
