I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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