i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
