i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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