yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
