I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
