So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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