either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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