Soap is not a condiment
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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