i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
