That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
so much tequila, so little girl.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
