yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
