so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
All I want is dick and wine.
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