honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
