So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
