I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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