The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
