He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I hope mine doesn't look like that
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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