He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
