so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
