I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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