i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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