If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
