i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
