You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
