Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
