the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
