I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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