Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
