We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
