Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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