Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
no you cant smoke seaweed
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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