We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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