Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
