you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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