I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
