And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
