I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
