Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
