i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
