Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
