I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
