Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
