its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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