Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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