My first STD was from a foam party
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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