Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
