Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
