is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
it's like heaven, but drunker
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
