I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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