Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
