Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
